


find my way back to you

by melancholydreadfuldream



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:42:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25013365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholydreadfuldream/pseuds/melancholydreadfuldream
Summary: A visit from the Twelfth Doctor turned your life upside down.
Relationships: The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Reader, Twelfth Doctor/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	find my way back to you

**Fandom: Doctor Who**

**Pairing: 11th Doctor x Reader & 12th Doctor x Reader**

**Summary: A visit from the Twelfth Doctor turned your life upside down.**

**_Warning: ooc, angst, plot holes, etc_ **

You giggled at something the Eleventh Doctor said. He beamed at you adorably.

“So, this is me.” You said as they arrived on the front porch of where you lived. You smiled at him. “Thank you, Doctor, I have fun today.”

He smiled. “T-that’s great. I, there is still so much I can show you.” He said.

You smiled and kissed one of his cheek. “See you next Tuesday, Doctor.” You whispered and then with a giggle, you turned and hopped inside. You turned again and waved him goodbye.

The Doctor is touching the cheek where you kissed him. He has this adorable look on his face. He waved back at you before he too burst into a giggle and left.

7777

You entered the house and covered your mouth to stop the burst of squealing out of you. You can’t wait to call Clara and tell her all about it. You moved to turn the lamp near the door and screamed when you saw a figure seated comfortably on one of your sofa.

You quickly tried to pull open the door to run and maybe called out the Doctor but to your horror, you realized the door somehow locked by itself. In your panic, you didn’t noticed the figure had pulled out a sonic screwdriver which is the reason why you are trapped with him.

You screamed for the Doctor as you tried to get the door to open but it was futile.

“Don’t bother screaming. I have put a soundproof barrier within the house.” He said.

Resigned to your fate that you’re trapped, you turned around to face him. “W-who are you? What do you want with me?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Really?” He gestured on the sonic screwdriver on his hand. 

You blinked at him. You observed him. The man is a bit old but still handsome in his own way. He was dressed in black with a hoodie. You turned my gaze at the sonic screwdriver on his hand. “D-Doctor?” Clara told you about regeneration. She only knew because she jumped into his timeline and saw his many past incarnations’ faces. You can hardly believe it but here he was.

“I’m sure Clara has told you all about regeneration, correct? And I’m sure, if I remember correctly, my past self has also told you some about it.”

You nodded mutely. 

“Good, then you can relax now, I’m not going to harm you.” He said. 

“When?”

“Pardon?”

“When will he regenerate into you?” You asked. “What happened?”

He stared at you with a look that you can’t decipher. “Spoiler.”

You sighed at his word. “Why are you here?”

“I need your help.”

“Me?”

“Yes, the future of the universe depends on it.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “Are you sure you need my help, not Clara?”

He rolled his eyes at you. “Right, I forgot that this you are still filled with insecurities.”

You glared at him.

“This does involve Clara. But, you are the only one who can fix this.” He said.

“How do you mean?”

“Next Tuesday, he…me…your doctor is going to come and ask you out for a date. You will reject him and break his hearts.”

You are stunned. “W-what? Why would I do that?”

He didn’t reply for a second. He gave you a look that tell you he’s trying to be patient.

Your mouth dropped open when you realized what he meant. “You’re kidding me. The future of the universe depend on me breaking your…his hearts?”

He didn’t say anything, just shrugged.

“Why?” You asked.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, because you’re asking me to hurt him…and I never would do that to him, to you!” You demanded.

His eyes softened at what you said. “I didn’t take this decision lightly, you know. But I have calculate everything within my timeline and this point in time is where the changes must be made.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“Doctor! Stop being vague and tell me!” You demanded.

“So bossy. Clara taught you well.” His expression is torn between annoyance and fondness.

“Doctor, just tell me. You…you are crossing your own timestream and it is all to make sure that we would never get together? Do you hate me that much?”

“I don’t hate you, (name), in fact it was the opposite.” He said with a solemn look. “But this is what needed to happen now. Your future-self agreed to it.”

“My what?”

He rolled his eyes at you. “Keep up with me, (name), I know you can do it.”

“But…” You are confused and you hated it. “No.”

“No?”

“No. I won’t do it. I don’t care my future self agreed to whatever this is. I’m not going to break his hearts. Because that would meant I have to break my own too. Why would I do that? And don’t tell me the future of the universe depend on it. I need more reason than that!”

“That wasn’t enough?” He asked almost mockingly.

“Stop that! You are trying to hurt me. You are trying to make me hate you. Why would you do that?”

He sighed. “It wasn’t my intention.” He walked toward you. His hand moved to reach your hair but he only hovers over it. “You’re making this really hard, (name).”

“Well, if you are asking me to sacrifice my feeling for you then I deserve a thorough explanation as to why that is.” You pleaded.

He shook his head. “Your future self did warn me you will be difficult about this.”

“Well, you should have listen to her.” You said petulantly.

He chuckled. “I am.” He sighed and he put his hands over your face. “Let me show you.” He told you to close your eyes and you did. He put his forehead over yours and a series of images beamed directly inside your mind.

You gasped as you felt overwhelmed with the images, no, memories and the emotion that came along with it. You blacked out.

7777

You sat in front of the huge windows in your room. Tears falling on your cheeks. You understand now…somewhat. You didn’t want to but now that you know, it would be selfish of you to pursue a relationship with the Doctor with what’s at stake. But what you still have a hard time of accepting is the fact the Doctor has to have a romantic relationship with Clara.

You and Clara are best friend since childhood. You and her almost always share the same love interest time and time again. Of course you know Clara also fancy the Doctor. Who wouldn’t? But the thing is your love interest always choose Clara over you time and time again…until the Doctor. You can hardly believe it when the Doctor choose you over Clara despite her being his impossible girl. You and Clara had agreed to remain friend regardless who the Doctor choose. And so far, Clara has been very supportive of the two of you.

And now, the future Doctor is telling you to give up on the Doctor and make it so his past-self divert his feeling toward Clara. How is that fair? Why does it have to be her? You know, of course you know, Clara is the Doctor’s best match, more than you. It still hurts though.

The Doctor need Clara to be by his side. But she won’t be if you are the one the Doctor choose. She still traveled with the Doctor apparently but she won’t make the right choice when the time come, not without her strong feeling for the Doctor. And that was when everything spiraled out of control which led the future Doctor and your future self agreed to change their past for the sake of the world. You wanted to call bullshit on that but you know you won’t.

The future Doctor were also there in your room but he made no move to console you, choosing to give you some space to sort your cluttering thoughts.

“So, what do we do now?” You finally asked with a hoarse voice as you turned to him still with glassy eyes.

The Doctor took a breathe of relief which made you blinked, realizing that he must have worried for you and how you will cope with it.

You forced yourself to smile weakly at him.

He started explaining what you will have to do to break his past-self hearts and ensure he won’t try to pursue you.

“Are you saying I should make him hate me and stop travelling with him?”

“Hate is too much a strong word. You just have to make yourself less desirable to him.” He said. 

“By purposely making a mistake that will make him think less of me?”

He didn’t reply. “I know this is hard.”

“Do you?”

“You think this is easy for me? I love you, (name).” He said. “In the future where I came from, we are married. We are happy but we agreed to save Clara. She was our best friend.”

You hitched a breath at his confession. You also felt ashamed because he is right, Clara is your best friend. Doing this will also save her from her fate. Why are you hesitating? Are you really this selfish? You took a deep breathe. “What do I have to do?”

7777

The next few days are hard for you. The future Doctor made a lot of plan in order to ensure the break up is permanent. He has blackboard where he wrote his plan and explained it over and over to you until you can’t get it wrong.

On Tuesday, the Doctor come for you and you turned him down quite cruelly, telling him you don’t have time for him right now. He looked like a kicked puppy. And then you and the future Doctor made plan to make sure Clara will stay with the Doctor and have adventure together.

The future Doctor took you to go wherever the Doctor and Clara goes with his vortex manipulator to plot a series of events making sure that it will drive them closer and intimate.

You hated every second of it as you watched the manipulated scene unfold just as the future Doctor predicted. He is quite the match-maker. You could see it, the undeniable attraction between the Doctor and Clara.

But to her credit, Clara refused to fall into temptation knowing full well that the Doctor is currently interested in you.

Then, come the part that you hated. The future Doctor instructed you to travel with the Doctor and Clara to a planet where he has designed a fake conflict. That will be the place where you will make your Doctor see your ‘true color’. You will have to act still in character to avoid suspicion and that you are not under duress. The future Doctor did indeed know you well. The mistake you are supposed to make is actually something that you can see committed based on your own flaw.

And the Doctor is disappointed in you so much he dropped you home immediately. Clara can only stared at you with pity but she made no move to defend you.

You got inside your home and broke down crying. The future Doctor stared at you with a look of pain. You rushed into his arms without thinking and hugged him tight. He hugged you back, rubbing your back to console you.

7777

“Were you really happy with the other me?” You asked suddenly as you both sat cuddled together on the floor.

“I am. We are.” He replied.

“You said we are married.”

“We are. We got a ring and everything. Clara is my best man.”

“You mean she is my maid of honor, don’t you?”

“No, she is my best man.”

“She is a woman.”

“So?”

You chuckled. “I wish I could see it.”

“You can…if you want. I can share you my memory of that day.”

You eagerly accepted his offering.

He hesitated. “I don’t think this is a good idea. Why torture yourself with things that will never happen now?”

You sniffed. “Just call it my payment or whatever. Please. I need to see it, our would-be future together.”

He sighed. “As you wish.” He said as he pulled you closer to him.

You closed your eyes, preparing to see a lifetime worth of memories of your would-be future with the Doctor.

“I become immortal?” You asked in shock.

“Yes, you were dying and I had to save you. I wasn’t prepared to lose you. And the Mire technology is there to be taken advantage of so I did.”

“We could have forever.”

He didn’t respond. Eventually, he said, “Now you can have a normal life, meeting a man that can properly love you, have a bunch of kid and grow old together.”

“I never wanted that. I only ever want you.” You said, clutching his face in your hands.

He sighed. “Don’t, (name), you will only make yourself suffer more.”

“And you…?”

He shrugged. “I will vanish, cease to exist.”

“And you are fine with that?”

He didn’t reply.

We are interrupted by the sound of wheezing Tardis which made you panic.

“What do we do?” You asked him as they both stand up, staring from the living room window the sight of the Eleventh Doctor and Clara walking toward your house. He was mumbling to himself while Clara pushes him toward your house. “Doctor, what do we do?” You asked again.

The Twelfth Doctor glanced at you with a look you can’t decipher and then he suddenly pulled you close to him. He kissed you hard and you instinctively responded to the passionate kiss as if your life depend on it.

He broke the kiss and you both turned to see the look of brokenhearted look on the other Doctor’s face. Without a word, he turned and went back on the Tardis. Clara stared at you with disapproval before she, too, turned to chase after the Doctor.

So, this is it. Tears started to fall from your cheeks. It finally is done. You lost the both of them.

7777

It was midnight. 

You both are waiting.

“It worked.” The future Doctor suddenly said.

Your heart almost jumped into your throat, choking you good. You glanced at him.

“My memory is changing…” He said almost in awe before he turned to you with a sad look. “I’m sorry, (name).”

“Doctor…” You whispered brokenly. You stood up and reached out toward him, nearly falling as you did so.

He caught you in his arms.

“No.” You whispered. “Don’t go. Please don’t leave me.”

He looked sad. He kissed your forehead. “Hang in there, (name) (last name), you will be fine. In fact, I know you will be amazing. Even without the Doctor.”

You clutched his arms, unwilling to let him go.

He remained in your arms until he vanished without a trace, leaving you on your own.

You cried even wailing as you cry your heart out.

7777

The Doctor never come back for you.

Clara did come to you and demanded explanation about the old man she saw kissed you that night.

You told her you had come to your sense and realized that you and the Doctor are not compatible. “He’s an alien. It will never work for us.”

“That man you are with is too old for you. Where did you even met him?” Clara asked.

You snorted. “The Doctor is a thousand more older than him.”

Eventually, Clara admitted to start having relationship with the Doctor and asked you how you feel about that.

You forced an ignorant smile and told her to go for it.

She look disappointed in you and she left.

She only contacted you via phone or chat after that. You never saw the Doctor again.

7777

Years passed by, you think. You have your up and down in coping against the loss of the Doctor and Clara but you make do. The memory of the would-be future of you and the Doctor still lives inside you, comforting you on the most loneliest night. You tried to move on from the Doctor a few times, dating someone but it never worked out.

One day though Clara appeared in your front porch, angry at you.

“The Doctor has regenerated.” She said. “Guess who he regenerated into?” She glared at you angrily.

You flinched.

“He has the face of that old man you kissed that night years ago!!” She yelled. “Explain that to me, (name)! That man, he was the Doctor, wasn’t he? What was he doing there?”

You weren’t prepared for this confrontation at all. “Did he realize it?” You asked instead.

Clara stiffened and shook her head. “I think he blocked that night out of his mind. I don’t think he gets a good look on that man that night. But I did.” She turned to you furiously. “What was going on that night? Tell me! The truth!” She demanded.

You sighed as you sat down. You told her everything.

Clara shook her head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“He said not to. For this to worked out, you must never know. He said you would be unwilling otherwise.”

“He would be right.” Clara said. She turned to you. “The Doctor and I broke up.”

You stared at her in shock. “What?! Why?”

“He is the one who break it up. He said he’s too old for me.”

“And you didn’t fight for him?”

“You didn’t either!”

“I had no choice!”

“Well, now you do. You can have him back.”

“Clara Oswald, I can’t believe you would say that to me.”

“Well, he is yours in the first place.”

“But he choose you.”

“No, he was manipulated to choose me. By you! And by the other Doctor!” Clara said angrily. “He never love me. Not as much as he loves you.”

You flinched. “That is not true.” You said firmly. “I don’t know what happened between you and the Doctor but he loves you. I know he does.”

“Well, how do you know that? You haven’t met us for so long! You didn’t know what was it like!”

“Were you happy with him?”

She didn’t reply for a second before she nodded.

“Then, what’s went wrong?”

“He regenerated and he’s changed. He doesn’t want me anymore.” She said. “And frankly, after what I know now, I don’t know what to feel.”

“Just give him time, Clara. You did say he just regenerated. Maybe he still need to sort thing out in his mind.” You consoled her. “He did choose you. And he never once come for me. That should be enough for you to hold on to.”

“How can you be okay with this?”

“I wasn’t okay at first. But it’s been years, Clara, I moved on.”

Clara stared at you. “I’m so sorry. I should have known. I should have been there for you.”

“The Doctor needs you more.”

She sighed. “I have to come back to sort thing out with him.”

“Okay.”

“You are lying, aren’t you?”

“W-what?”

“You still have feeling for him.”

“Your arrival just make me nostalgic, that’s all.” You lied.

She hummed. “I’m gonna tell him the truth.”

Your eyes widened. “You can’t!”

“Why not?”

“What was the point?” You asked. “You are just going to make him feel guilty. Why would you do that to him? You know how he is. Don’t add this burden on him.” You pleaded.

Clara eventually agreed to keep it a secret.

7777

You can’t believe this is happening. You were kidnapped on your way to work. They blindfolded you and pushed you into a room and forced you to sit in a chair as they tied you up.

Someone is yapping sarcastically at your kidnapper. You frowned as you felt like you recognized the voice. Your blindfold is lifted and your eyes widened as you saw the Twelfth Doctor sitting in front of you, also tied up.

He look as surprised as you. He didn’t seem to recognize you at first. “Why is she here?”

“According to our record…” The robotic voice of your kidnapper sounded above you making you flinched. “…(name) (last name) is your companion.”

The Doctor snorted. “You need to updated your record. She is no longer my companion. I disown her.”

You flinched at the disdain in his voice.

“If you are trying to make me comply with you using her, you have taken the wrong person.” He said nonchalantly.

You felt like crying but you bite your lips to stop yourself. “He’s right. I didn’t even know who he is.” You said.

“He is the Doctor.” Your kidnapper said.

You stared at the Doctor.

He shrugged, thinking you didn’t believe that he is the Doctor. “I regenerated.”

Your kidnapper designed a twisted game where the both of you have to tell the truth or risk electrocution. He called the Doctor bluff about not caring for you.

The Doctor, not wanting to hurt you, answered as best and as flat as he can be. He was good at telling lies. You know this. But you are not. So, when asked whether you have feeling for him, you tried to lie but that caused the Doctor a pain of electrocution.

“Okay, you won. I still have feeling for the Doctor, okay?!” You screamed. You turned to the Doctor with tears in your eyes. “You. It is always you. I never stop loving you.”

The Doctor’s mouth dropped open as he glanced at you with confusion and disbelief. “But you are with another man. I saw him that night.”

“You stupid Doctor. Remember that night! See him! Really see him!” You shouted.

He frowned. He was silent for a long while. His eyes widened as he finally pieced it together. “W-what? That man…that was me? B-but…”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you. But I have no choice. You told me to, future you.” You said, finally letting the worm out of the can and once you do, you can’t stop revealing everything.

He look like he wanted to throw up. He desperately trying to comprehend what you are telling him.

7777

Once you and the Doctor are able to get out of the hostage situation, he grabbed you aside, demanding explanation.

“And you believe him?” He asked in anger.

“He showed me what happened!” You yelled, defending your action.

He frowned. He stalked toward you, grabbing you harshly. “Show me.” He demanded.

You stared at him before slowly nodded your consent.

He closed his eyes as he put his hands to cup your face.

You closed your eyes and brought out the memories of the days of the future Doctor was with you. You accidentally showed him your would-be future with him.

He gasped as he released you. He took a few step back away from you. He looked at loss at what to do.

“Doctor?”

“You should have told me.” He said brokenly.

“But you told me not to.”

“How can you trust him over me?!” He yelled at you.

_“He is you!”_ You yelled back. 

He shook his head and left you behind…again.

You took a deep breathe trying to calm yourself despite the tears.

7777

“Clara Oswald, I hate you.” You said as you glared at her. You found out she is the one who staged the kidnapping of you and the Doctor with the help of the Doctor’s former companion, Jack Harkness.

“Now you know how it feel to be manipulated.” She said petulantly.

“You are going to ruin him.” You said.

“He will be fine. He will come to his sense eventually.”

“He might never forgive me.”

“Then he is very foolish.” She said. “I just want to fix us, our friendship. No more secret.”

“No more secret.” You agreed.

“So, the threat that alternate Doctor has passed by, there is nothing stopping you to be with him again, (name).”

“Not this again. What about you, Clara? You love him.”

She hummed. “I think you loves him more.” She said.

“That’s not true. You saved the Doctor over and over again. You even died for him again and again. If that’s not love…”

“Alright enough, let’s not start comparing who love who more, yeah?”

“You started it.”

7777

You sat on your front porch staring at the night sky on your own.

The Doctor suddenly appeared and walked toward you slowly, almost hesitantly.

You glanced at him cautiously. You slowly stood up and met him half-way. “Doctor…?”

He glanced down at you with a look you can’t decipher. Suddenly he pulled you to him and hugged you tight.

You were surprised. But you hugged him back. “I thought Clara said you are not a hugging person anymore.”

“Shut up.” He said.

You smiled and hugged him tight. You closed your eyes in content.

**_“one step closer_ **

**_closer to the light_ **

**_no matter where we’re going_ **

**_i’ll be by your side_ **

**_and everything we used to know_ **

**_crashed into the great unknown_ **

**_one step closer_ **

**_we’re gonna be alright.”_ **

**_find my way back - eric arjes_ **

_a/n: this is very mushy and probably cringe-worthy too. not original ideas but i still enjoy writing it so i hope you enjoy reading it too. please drop comments if you like it._


End file.
